Thalia twirls and her robe pirouettes. “I luhhhhhv-ed that purple dress!” “Outgrown.” Nia recalls the tiny anchor emblem near the neck. “Along with… countless styles…” Calliope recalls shoulder pads and boot cut flares, “and patterns of thinking…” A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.
Somewhere in childhood I picked up a pattern of thinking that has kept me small and afraid to fully engage with life.
"Don't ask. Don't be a bother. Never invite yourself."
I continue to learn this is a big: YES, AND!
Sometimes asking and or inserting oneself is inappropriate, but this is not always the case. Sometimes asking or inserting oneself can open a world of possibility.
Part of the deliciousness of life is we're never quite certain what's going to happen. 😂
A week ago, I asked a friend if she'd like to go see a play with me. She explained that she was already going with her husband.
I playfully asked, "Will he sell me his ticket?"
Her reply was the clichéd feather that knocks one over. "Actually... It'll be great if you will take the ticket. This will free my husband up to spend time with his mom who is visiting."
Is it possible to write stories other than the ones we've been handed?
Beautiful post and I was thinking how brave to ask your friend "Will he sell me his ticket." I don't think I would even have considered that. I want to get better at what you talk about here. And I do think it's possible to write or rewrite stories than the ones we've been handed. (thank goodness) Thank you. This was a powerful post for me today.
I love this! And look at me writing here on your Substack and commenting! Wow thank you for giving me the opportunity to notice that. It's a real leap for me. :)
I so enjoy this back and forth (Gail & Julie). To me I see a perfect illustration of the importance of community. As our trust in the community becomes evident, the trust in ourselves grows, too.
Another tasty post, LoveLetterist, to one's brain! Especially wherever memories lurk. The anchor on your dress? Nautica? (for some reason I'm not strong on dress emblems...)
(Psst! Nia! Of course it's been outgrown; LoveLetterist graduated 1st grade already) Cal's offerings, which included boot cut flares unleashed a torrent of visuals and wordables! When I married in 1973, I wore a suit, crushed gold velvet material, with bell bottom flares, and shoes with patent leather embellishments (perfect for shoe gazing), and more than likely one of my dad's old ties. Probably polka dotted, owing to my total lack of a sense of coordination of colors and styles.
Was I having a "conversation?" Afterall I, had sent invitations. Simply, regarding conversation, no. Quite a bit more like "Peacocks on parade." Was I really that confident or proud? No again. More like trying on yet another image or personna to keep 'em guessing. Never show too much, like the card shark at the poker table. More like a chameleon...
That dress was from 1973. Did clothes come in brands back then? If so, mine was likely rummage sale special!
I wore a teal-colored, crushed velvet dress to the theater last night. Crushed velvet is back! Did you have your beard at the time of the wedding? I ran into a guy with a thick, curly beard yesterday... Billie. He was walking his bike because something with the chain mechanism broke. He had a lot to say... and to be honest, I was challenged to be present and really hear him. I did not miss that he said "the next time you see me the beard will be gone -- I only do it for the kids at Christmas." Life is intriguing!
My friend Hazel over at Betwixt wrote about dialectical thinking. I find the article fascinating! Turns out being a chameleon can be really good for our well-being.
I checked to see if Nautica makes kiddos clothing. Indeed they do. One item, one piece kids’ pajamas, bearing the anchor that appeared in your jumper from 1st grade. (Now the Nautica offerings mostly bear bold letters spelling the brand’s full name.) 🤷🏽
I indeed had a full beard, mustache, and Afro. Then my hair was very curly and solid black.
Was Billie’s hair of the Santa Claus coloration? I’ve read of the Santa lookalike contests...
My chameleon era was not in the least good for my well-being. Much of me beyond beards and crushed velvet was not in good order. 😔
I hear you regarding your chameleon days gone by...
Apologies, l didn't mean to dismiss, only to offer a different perspective.
I think I was once an unhealthy chameleon -- shape shifting to please others. Then I learned different. Now I shape shift to honor myself while adapting to an environment. Thanks for expanding my thinking!
I didn’t think you were being dismissive at all. My comments about past chameleon living? I should have made a stronger distinction between now and then. The “now” of my life today is where I plan to stay! Thanks for all the growing you’ve pointed me toward, and encouraged. A local strip mall church’s sign reads: “Perfect people not allowed.” 😊
The photos of the wedding stayed with my now ex-wife. A good friend of hers took the photos, but insisted on keeping the negatives. So today’s reply to Gail really was dredged up from the depths of my mind. I kept the suit a few more years. Maybe wore it once for Halloween. Taking the photos out? No incision required. Just the right circumstances. So many years ago now, the effect is like waking from a dream. Thanks for your comments, Julie. (Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives.) From the old daytime drama! We just called them “soaps.”
I accept your apology, Julie, but you didn’t “assume” nearly hard enough to require one! Being serious about this, I want to say I’ve lived a life with a lot of painful stretches and I try to avoid “data dumps” as a general rule. I’m grateful for the solid basis upon which you live your life and so appreciate your willingness to share your perspectives. And best of all, your writings! 🙏🏽
Looking back (for me) I see the the gifts and how much I've grown and stretched during those painful seasons. Definitely took me awhile and a lot of work to notice.
A note from LoveLetterist:
Somewhere in childhood I picked up a pattern of thinking that has kept me small and afraid to fully engage with life.
"Don't ask. Don't be a bother. Never invite yourself."
I continue to learn this is a big: YES, AND!
Sometimes asking and or inserting oneself is inappropriate, but this is not always the case. Sometimes asking or inserting oneself can open a world of possibility.
Part of the deliciousness of life is we're never quite certain what's going to happen. 😂
A week ago, I asked a friend if she'd like to go see a play with me. She explained that she was already going with her husband.
I playfully asked, "Will he sell me his ticket?"
Her reply was the clichéd feather that knocks one over. "Actually... It'll be great if you will take the ticket. This will free my husband up to spend time with his mom who is visiting."
Is it possible to write stories other than the ones we've been handed?
Beautiful post and I was thinking how brave to ask your friend "Will he sell me his ticket." I don't think I would even have considered that. I want to get better at what you talk about here. And I do think it's possible to write or rewrite stories than the ones we've been handed. (thank goodness) Thank you. This was a powerful post for me today.
Haha! Sometimes I don't even recognize my"self" Julie.
The other day Daniel Pink had a post on LinkedIn asking for people to comment about something they are no longer afraid of.
My answer: Leaving a comment on a Daniel Pink post. 😂 It feels so good to laugh... especially at myself.
I too believe it is possible to re-write our stories. As we change, so changes the world. :)
I love this! And look at me writing here on your Substack and commenting! Wow thank you for giving me the opportunity to notice that. It's a real leap for me. :)
Every fear we put behind is is so empowering!
Yes! Look at us go!
I so enjoy this back and forth (Gail & Julie). To me I see a perfect illustration of the importance of community. As our trust in the community becomes evident, the trust in ourselves grows, too.
Another tasty post, LoveLetterist, to one's brain! Especially wherever memories lurk. The anchor on your dress? Nautica? (for some reason I'm not strong on dress emblems...)
(Psst! Nia! Of course it's been outgrown; LoveLetterist graduated 1st grade already) Cal's offerings, which included boot cut flares unleashed a torrent of visuals and wordables! When I married in 1973, I wore a suit, crushed gold velvet material, with bell bottom flares, and shoes with patent leather embellishments (perfect for shoe gazing), and more than likely one of my dad's old ties. Probably polka dotted, owing to my total lack of a sense of coordination of colors and styles.
Was I having a "conversation?" Afterall I, had sent invitations. Simply, regarding conversation, no. Quite a bit more like "Peacocks on parade." Was I really that confident or proud? No again. More like trying on yet another image or personna to keep 'em guessing. Never show too much, like the card shark at the poker table. More like a chameleon...
That dress was from 1973. Did clothes come in brands back then? If so, mine was likely rummage sale special!
I wore a teal-colored, crushed velvet dress to the theater last night. Crushed velvet is back! Did you have your beard at the time of the wedding? I ran into a guy with a thick, curly beard yesterday... Billie. He was walking his bike because something with the chain mechanism broke. He had a lot to say... and to be honest, I was challenged to be present and really hear him. I did not miss that he said "the next time you see me the beard will be gone -- I only do it for the kids at Christmas." Life is intriguing!
My friend Hazel over at Betwixt wrote about dialectical thinking. I find the article fascinating! Turns out being a chameleon can be really good for our well-being.
https://stack.betwixt.life/p/six-signs-you-could-be-a-dialectical?r=19lbt&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
I checked to see if Nautica makes kiddos clothing. Indeed they do. One item, one piece kids’ pajamas, bearing the anchor that appeared in your jumper from 1st grade. (Now the Nautica offerings mostly bear bold letters spelling the brand’s full name.) 🤷🏽
I indeed had a full beard, mustache, and Afro. Then my hair was very curly and solid black.
Was Billie’s hair of the Santa Claus coloration? I’ve read of the Santa lookalike contests...
My chameleon era was not in the least good for my well-being. Much of me beyond beards and crushed velvet was not in good order. 😔
Billie was salt n' pepper!
I hear you regarding your chameleon days gone by...
Apologies, l didn't mean to dismiss, only to offer a different perspective.
I think I was once an unhealthy chameleon -- shape shifting to please others. Then I learned different. Now I shape shift to honor myself while adapting to an environment. Thanks for expanding my thinking!
I didn’t think you were being dismissive at all. My comments about past chameleon living? I should have made a stronger distinction between now and then. The “now” of my life today is where I plan to stay! Thanks for all the growing you’ve pointed me toward, and encouraged. A local strip mall church’s sign reads: “Perfect people not allowed.” 😊
Remember the poem I shared about the good are half bad and the bad are half good?
A complementary quote has come into my awareness:
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
~Oscar Wilde
Anthony de Mello said something like… You are ass… and so am I. 🤷♀️
crushed gold velvet! Wow...very cool Gary. It must be fun taking the photos out! :)
The photos of the wedding stayed with my now ex-wife. A good friend of hers took the photos, but insisted on keeping the negatives. So today’s reply to Gail really was dredged up from the depths of my mind. I kept the suit a few more years. Maybe wore it once for Halloween. Taking the photos out? No incision required. Just the right circumstances. So many years ago now, the effect is like waking from a dream. Thanks for your comments, Julie. (Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives.) From the old daytime drama! We just called them “soaps.”
Oh gosh...Soaps...so familiar with that line and divorce. UGH. (apologize for the assumption)
I accept your apology, Julie, but you didn’t “assume” nearly hard enough to require one! Being serious about this, I want to say I’ve lived a life with a lot of painful stretches and I try to avoid “data dumps” as a general rule. I’m grateful for the solid basis upon which you live your life and so appreciate your willingness to share your perspectives. And best of all, your writings! 🙏🏽
Thank you, Gary. I appreciate that.
Looking back (for me) I see the the gifts and how much I've grown and stretched during those painful seasons. Definitely took me awhile and a lot of work to notice.