Thalia sighed. “She’s gone and done it again.” “She has,” Urania confirmed. “At least she’s aware this time?” Cal grinned. “And is thinking through a repair strategy… that involves honesty, kindness, and communication — not evasion?” “Yes.” said Thalia. “Now let’s get that paddleboard in truck!”
Like Thalia, I'm sighing. You know I know the people-pleasing cycle of experience, Gail. I had to train myself to interrupt, which doesn't come naturally (and the talker, in my experience, doesn't detect the intrusion). I'll be curious to see what you try and how it works!
A former employer once commented, “You can only say ‘I can’t believe he did...whatever’ one time. The next occurrence doesn’t qualify for another comment like this.”
When I find myself genuinely saying, “I can’t believe” it benefits me to examine my surprise. Or the motives of the other’s behavior. Look for the “conjoined-twin”emotional baggage that provided the set up? AAA? Awareness, acceptance, action.
It strikes me that avoiding judgement could be a good starting point. A friend once offered, “There are only two states of being. Disturbed and undisturbed.”
Is it possible, without being snarky, to say the next time, “Let’s have a conversation!” to the non-lobber?
I must confess that I’m nearly as delighted as Tal to hear there’s paddle boarding up ahead! It occurred to me that taking selfies while on the board may be difficult. As I’ve seen none, and if you don’t mind my asking, what is your preferred attire? Temperature dependent I imagine?! Barefoot? A swim cap like those in Esther Williams’ era?🙃
Have a grand time of it!
BUTTON: “Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.” 😁
Although a non-stop talker wouldn't necessarily be stupid... maybe more just not self-aware?
I was raised with a "never interrupt!" standard (must be a midwest politeness thing); here in south central Pennsylvania, interruption is the norm, and the conversation will (presumably) fall back to the previous topic once the interruptor is done. The assumption seems to be:
"Why did you interrupt me? Couldn't you wait until later?"
"What if I forgot it?"
"Then it wasn't that important!"
"Well, if YOUR thing was so important, why can't YOU remember it later?"
That was a broad reference to dynamics that can develop in personal relationships or work settings. Or families of origin. Thanks for your inquiry!
This is another interesting post Gail, v thought-provoking. I too find it difficult to interrupt and take up some space - consequently I cannot abide the advice to be a ‘good listener’ as a strategy for social interaction for those of us who are more reticent/ hesitant / shy. Sure there are times when that is the right thing to be, but it’s not good to position oneself always as the ‘receptacle’. I’m v interested in your strategies regarding this.