tools
habits of being
Nią twists the can opener’s crank and pulls out habits that are old, new, borrowed, and blue.
old — show up for life: presence ⭐️
new — daily yoga stretch 🙌🏻
borrowed — oh so many! sorting, sorting, sorting 🤔
blue — (old AND blue) using gratitude, kindness, and compassion as an excuse for conflict avoidance 😲
Calliope clings to blue like a baby binkie. “There is a plus side… you know…” she runs fingers across the Pause Breathe Reflect logo on her shirt, “… gratitude, kindness, and compassion give us space to respond… instead of react.”
“Yes, and —” Thalia clears her throat, “— we still have a habit of hiding. Sometimes we never stand up — to say what we want to say!”
Did compassion practice resonate precisely because there was still an unprocessed part of me that was all too familiar with and all to ready to re-enact the perverse drama of showing my resilience by needlessly shouldering other people’s bullshit?
What is medicine for some of us may be poison for others.
~ Excerpts from: Reckoning with Compassion
I’m puzzled by your comment that using gratitude, kindness, and compassion might serve to avoid conflict? To me that’s a good application of those traits?! An “old Gail” observation? Yet there was the “old and blue” antecedent qualifier. Your closing remark seems to confirm my guess about “old Gail.” (Far from old ...)
Between you and Sarah it’s almost as if you’ve thrown down the gauntlet! “Know who you are and be brave about it! Now! Not tomorrow!” We know Tal is quick to work on her twirls, but today shows her emotional intelligence at work. Who inspires whom?
What a gift when we “discover” our true selves as we read or converse or listen to speakers or music! (Compassion practice) But a word of caution: remember to leave all the other folks’ b.s. on shore when you go paddle boarding. Balance. 😁
Okay, taking one word from your piece and running in an orthogonal direction...
Binkies! Our older west coast niece had a strong binkie habit when she was 2. Her mother (my sister) determined No More Binkies after her 3rd birthday. Which her daughter was fine about. “What happens at three, Hailey?” “No more binkies!” the child answered cheerfully. And surrendered her binkies on her birthday.
Just not ALL of them.
Under mattresses, behind pillows, in drawers... Hailey continued to get her binkie fix for weeks after her birthday.
That was over 20 years ago. She has since graduated summa cum laude from SFSU and is working for the LA Galaxy (MLS team) as an account executive.